The perfect partner within

Perfect partner
Tiffany Varpalotai
Written by Tiffany Varpalotai

Have you ever tried to describe Mr or Ms Perfect, the person that you would like to spend your life with? Have you ever set up lists of characteristics that they must have in order for a happy future together? And have you tried to do the same for yourself?

It seems like a common issue, that single people are only looking for ‘the perfect human’ in their potential future partners but have never really looked into the mirror and described their own imperfections first. Most of the time we are just waiting for that human, who ticks all the boxes on our lists, and we can be really disappointed when they fail to do so. And even when all the boxes are ticked, it can still go wrong and end with a broken heart. Have you set up the wrong list? Or have you misjudged them, and they weren’t as perfect as you wanted, but you just couldn’t see it clearly in the first place? A million questions can pop into our minds when we break up with someone, but let’s try a new perspective!

The wrong list?

What if nothing was wrong with your list? What if they were exactly the way you’ve seen them from the beginning? What happened then? How has this gone wrong? First, let’s have a look at the list you’ve got: Smart? Caring? Funny? Sexy? Honest?
I guess if you’ve put them onto your list, these are the most valuable human characteristics for you.

The question is: do you have them? Are you thinking of yourself as someone smart/caring/funny/sexy/honest? As you expect all these from someone else, are you expecting them from yourself as well? It’s quite unfair if not.

The main thing we need to understand when we’re looking for a partner, is that they shouldn’t be the one compensating for all our faults. You shouldn’t have unreal expectations of how smart they need to be if you cannot be an equal intellectual partner. The relationship just simply won’t work, even if they ticked the ‘smart’ box on your list.
Ask yourself the questions: am I as caring as I want them to be? As funny? As sexy?

Writing Lists
Photo by Kat Stokes on Unsplash

Work on your Inner Ms/Mr Right

Before you start looking for Mr or Ms Right, you’ll need to work on your inner Ms/Mr Right, otherwise the relationship simply won’t last. Do you want them to be honest?  Be honest with yourself first! Have a look into yourself and admit if you need to improve on something and then start working on it! Try to build yourself up as the ideal human you’re looking for, and you’ll experience amazing things!

Imagine, if you were looking for someone who’s really confident, and now you’ve become that person. How would this make you feel? Or you have been really shy previously, but you were expecting your future partner to be open and friendly; how does it feel to be the open and friendly one?

I hope it’s getting clearer now. These expectations towards our future partner, are nothing but our lists of how the ideal human should be. But the key thing is: we should to be our ideal human first! We need to work on ourselves and do everything we can to reach this state we described earlier as ‘ideal’. And when we’ve built our best self up, then we can start looking for someone, who can be an equal to our perfect partner within.

Main Photo by Marie S on Unsplash

About the author

Tiffany Varpalotai

Tiffany Varpalotai

CTAA accredited counsellor and Human Behaviour Analyst

I’m Tiffany Varpalotai a 25 year old Hungarian woman living and working in the UK since September 2019.
I have a Psychology BSc degree (Human Behaviour Analyst) from back home, and after University started work in transportation thinking that psychology was not for me.
Later on we moved to the UK, and I started working in a different field (again), then Covid hit and we needed to rethink everything we had planned.
That’s when I realised that I actually really love, and am interested in, helping people, and I only left psychology because there were too many statistics and not enough ‘helping humans’ experience.
I found Dr. Karen E Wells’ online counsellor courses and completed 3 of them straight away.
All these courses are accredited by the CTAA International body, and connected with insurance companies to make sure all their members are doing quality work.
I set up my own private counselling practice at the beginning of 2021, focusing on individual-, couple- and body therapy counselling.
I really enjoy connecting my scientific psychology knowledge with the practical exercises I’ve learnt during my counselling studies, and I never stop looking for new methods to learn, to make sure I can provide the most suitable help for my clients.

If you are interested in working with me, please contact me by simply filling out the contact form on my website:

Follow me on:
Facebook: @TVAdvising
LinkedIn: @TVAdvising

Leave a Comment