How often do you really “feel your feelings“?
Several years back I had entered an emotional drought, was totally numb and as dry as a desert.
I had reached a point of complete shutdown due to emotional and physical exhaustion. Years of repeated intense emotional perforation had got the better of me: Emotional trauma from childhood, cancer in my adolescence, isolation and social exclusion from divorce, cultural obligation, the loss of my father, burnout from a job, and the everyday demands of single parenthood without an immediate support network.
My confidence and self-worth had been severely compromised.
Something had to change because I didn’t want to feel the way I was feeling anymore.
I was submerged in an emotional bunker and the only way out, as in the game of golf, was to find the right tool or ‘golf club’ and apply the right technique to get me out…
I submerged myself in whatever literature I could find online and in local bookshops.
I reflected, reframed, and realised.
I became aware and consciously learnt to direct my attention to myself.
I enabled myself to embrace better experiences through effectively managing and channeling and charging my emotions – I became emotionally intelligent.
I consciously chose to shift from being a victim to becoming a victor!
My transition involved focusing on five ways to feel my feelings:
- Self awareness – I focused on my emotional acuity which was the ability to feel, recognize, and name my emotions. I was able to associate physiological sensations arising from body/organs and I worked towards enhancing my emotional vocabulary and really familiarising myself with the extensive range of emotions we experience on a regular basis.
- Emotional hygiene – I cultivated practices that enabled me to cleanse and attend to my psychological health. We have been conditioned to focus primarily on our physical hygiene so that when we encounter a wound or trauma, we naturally apply an ointment/dressing and are generally more gentler with ourselves until we ‘heal’. Also, for physical maintenance purposes we have daily habits that help keep our body clean to prevent illness and decay, but we don’t tend to give ourselves the same amount of psychological attention. I shifted my efforts towards giving the same attention to my emotions by practicing daily self-care, consciously breaking ruminative thought patterns and choosing kinder words of self-talk so that I didn’t actively enhance any of my emotional wounds.
- Self-regulation – I then enabled myself to control and manage my emotions better and was able to acclimatise to more preferred emotional states. I identified practices and rituals such as breath work, movement, music, journaling, and meditation that I felt comfortable with and experienced an immediate shift with.
- Intentional fuel – As I had now built more strength in my muscle of self-confidence, I learnt how to actively and consciously apply intentional fuel to experience preferred emotions. I identified activities that championed and catalysed these preferred feelings and made them a part of my daily routine.
- Social awareness – with my new heightened emotional awareness of what the emotional spectrum looks and feels like, I was able to become more consciously aware of the emotions of others. I was able to naturally apply a more empathic lens and approach to my interactions with others shifting my perception of any given circumstances. This not only resulted in richer and more meaningful communications and relations with others but also enhanced and deepened my emotional experiences further. I had become more adaptable, fluid, and responsive as opposed to reactive.
By taking the time to invest in knowing and managing myself better through becoming more emotionally intelligent, I not only welcomed better and more beautiful life experiences in the process I was inspired to create my best selling wellness coaching offer so far. ‘Stress to Serenity ‘ which has reached over 1200 individuals across the globe in 2021 itself during the global pandemic, whilst also establishing my holistic people solutions coaching business Pure Transformation Coaching – that has a core focus on Wellbeing, Mindset and Purpose .